- 18 Mar 2025
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Many people believe that being outgoing and charismatic is the key to social success. But in reality, likability and connection come from authenticity—not from forcing yourself into a personality that doesn’t feel natural. Vanessa Van Edwards, a behavioural researcher, emphasises that successful social interactions aren’t about changing who you are but about leveraging your unique strengths.
Rather than trying to fit into a one-size-fits-all mould, the key is understanding your own social tendencies and using strategies that work with, rather than against, your natural personality. Which social style best describes you?
Adventurous introverts: quiet but powerful
Introverts tend to recharge through solitude and prefer meaningful one-on-one interactions over large group settings. While they may not be the loudest in the room, their ability to listen, observe, and analyse makes them incredibly insightful and thoughtful communicators.
How to leverage your strengths:
✔ Use deep listening to build relationships. People feel truly heard when speaking with you. Build trust by asking insightful follow-up questions.
✔ Prepare for social interactions. Having a few talking points or questions ready can help you feel more confident in group discussions. And then schedule some downtime afterwards to recharge your social batteries.
✔ Share ideas in writing first. If you prefer to think things through before speaking, consider contributing via email, chat, or written proposals before engaging in verbal discussions.
✔ Find low-pressure networking opportunities. One-on-one coffee chats or smaller gatherings may feel more comfortable and allow for deeper connections.
Introverts often excel in structured social interactions because they thrive on preparation and strategy. Rather than feeling pressured to “perform” in a loud group, focus on making an impact in ways that feel natural to you.
Ambitious ambiverts: masters of adaptability
Ambiverts are the chameleons of the social world, balancing both introverted and extroverted traits. You can engage in deep conversations but also handle high-energy group dynamics when needed. However, because you can flex in both directions, you may struggle with knowing when to recharge or set boundaries.
How to leverage your strengths:
✔ Read the room and adjust. Your ability to shift between introverted and extroverted modes is a gift—use it to meet people where they are.
✔ Balance social and solo time. Be mindful of your energy levels and give yourself time to recharge after intense interactions.
✔ Use strategic engagement. If you enjoy group discussions but find them draining, be intentional about when and where you engage to maximise your impact.
✔ Develop assertiveness. Since you naturally adapt to different situations, make sure you aren’t just accommodating others—assert your own preferences and needs too.
Ambiverts are “socially agile,” meaning they can pivot their approach based on the situation. If you fall into this category, your greatest strength is knowing when to lean in and when to step back.
Goal-oriented extroverts: social igniters
Extroverts thrive in social settings, gaining energy from interacting with others. They enjoy group discussions, networking, and spontaneous conversations. However, this enthusiasm can sometimes overshadow quieter voices, so learning to balance speaking with listening is key.
How to leverage your strengths:
✔ Channel social energy with purpose. Use your enthusiasm to bring people together and create an inclusive atmosphere.
✔ Practice active listening. Make sure you’re not just talking—engage by asking thoughtful questions and giving others space to share.
✔ Recognise the value of solitude. Even extroverts benefit from moments of reflection to gain deeper insights and recharge.
✔ Use your social intuition. Since people naturally gravitate toward you, be mindful of how you can support and elevate others in conversations.
Extroverts often make great connectors, bringing people together in creative ways. By being intentional with your interactions, you can ensure that your social strengths benefit both you and those around you.
Expanding your comfort zone
While it’s important to honour your natural tendencies, research shows that sometimes stepping slightly outside your comfort zone can be beneficial. Studies suggest that even introverts experience a boost in happiness when they engage in certain extroverted behaviours, such as initiating conversations or expressing enthusiasm. However, this doesn’t mean forcing an entirely different persona—it’s about small, strategic shifts that feel authentic.
Ways to expand your social comfort zone:
- For introverts: Try initiating a conversation with a new colleague or sharing an idea in a meeting.
- For ambiverts: Practice setting clear boundaries on when to engage and when to recharge.
- For extroverts: Slow down and let silence do some of the work—sometimes, great connections happen in the pauses.
Conclusion: own your social strengths
Rather than feeling pressured to fit a particular mould, the key to social success is leveraging your natural strengths while remaining open to growth. Whether you’re an introspective thinker, a flexible adapter, or an energising presence, your unique style has value. By understanding your tendencies and applying targeted strategies, you can create meaningful interactions and navigate social situations with confidence.
As Vanessa Van Edwards puts it: “It’s not about changing who you are; it’s about maximizing the best parts of yourself.”